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Cause precedes effect. The outside reflects the inside. It’s really that simple. Yet we are constantly seeking external (and usually instant) gratification for internal issues. It’s like trying to paint the leaves on a dying tree green and spray painting the trunk brown instead of checking the soil and watering it. It works for a brief moment but before we know it, we are in the same situation again.
Feeling alone, depleted, empty, bored, sad desperately seeking something to fill that space.
Our entire perception of reality and foundation of self-worth is nurtured (or not nurtured) between the ages of 0 - 10. Our beliefs, perspectives, thoughts are all rooted in what we learned during childhood. We are fed rules, criticisms, belief systems, religion, preferences, judgements of "good" or "bad", shoulds and shouldn'ts, expectations of self and others, values, and goals.
We are left with certain "holes" and deficiencies depending on what tanks were not properly filled in our earlier years. And because
we have not been properly equipped with the tools to cope, we reach for anything that will give us some kind of relief, some kind of ease and comfort.
But this "fix" eventually wears off and we then find ourselves reaching for that source of soothing again.
*CUE* addiction and the perpetual cycle that follows.
It doesn’t matter if you have a compulsion to alcohol, drugs, sex, codependent relationships, working, accumulating material gain,
checking Facebook, gambling, going to the gym 8 days/week – it’s all addiction.
Until we truly learn how to love ourselves; until we develop the confidence to know that we matter and we are enough just as we are; until we can learn to release the past and all the guilt and shame associated with it; until we can learn to honor ourselves and establish healthy boundaries. And until we can cultivate healthier tools to deal with life on life's terms, this cycle will continue.